In the name of Allah, the Most-Merciful, the All-Compassionate

"May the Peace and Blessings of Allah be upon You"

Bismillah Walhamdulillah Was Salaatu Was Salaam 'ala Rasulillah

As-Salaam Alaykum Wa-Rahmatullahi Wa-Barakaatuh

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For husband and wife: 17 tips for a happy home

     FOR HER

1. If you want to live like his ‘Queen’ then treat him like your ‘King’. Let him have an upper hand in most of the matters.

1. In Islām a husband has a very high status. As a wife it is your responsibility to give him utmost respect and look after all his needs.

1. Look forward to his coming back from work and also get ready in time for his arrival. Rejuvenate his spirits by presenting yourself with a fresh and charming look every time he comes home. A pleasant fragrance and a genuine smile can work wonders.

1. Nagging is an act that is most unpleasant. Do not let it dominate your nature as it can gradually destroy a marriage. This is one thing common in most women that men absolutely hate. Be sensitive and sensible enough.

1. Make efforts in cooking meals that your husband loves. It is said that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. When you satisfy his taste buds, he will automatically be at peace.

1. Make your husband go ‘wow!' with occasional surprises planned for him. Why should only husbands plan surprises for their wives? Even men like to feel pampered once in a while. Do not wait for some special day. Try to make every day of your married life a special day.

1. Be a part of the group of women who are trying to erase the stereotype notion about women playing a negative role in marriages rather than being a part of that group that is acting like a proof to that notion. A man had this to say about his two marriages: “I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't!”

1. Fights are common in a marriage. In fact, they play a big role in making a successful marriage. But it is very important to choose between fights which are necessary and the ones which are not. We agree nobody fights willingly but then there are topics and issues which are too petty to ‘wage a war’ against the husband. So the next time you get angry, think twice. The reason for your anger, is it really necessary? Also, d

1. One of the common problems with women is that they are often very difficult to satisfy. You should not look at the women above you in status because of their affluent husbands. Rather, look at those who are below you. Remember, contentment is the key to a happy marriage.

1. Before marriage women love to dream about a perfect husband, perfect in-laws, a perfect house and what not? But when you get married you realise life is probably not as per your dreams. So wake up and embrace the beauty of the reality, whatever it has to offer. This is the primary rule of a perfect marriage. When you come to terms with reality and accept the fact that the house, your husband, your in-laws are way different from what you had imagined, that’s when you will have a perfect marriage.

1. When you are conversing with him avoid bringing a subject that he has aversion to, like a rough time you might have had during the earlier period of your marriage. Let the past be the past. There’s an Arabic proverb that states that you should write the bad things that happen to you in the sand, so that they can be easily erased from your memory.

1. Be his best friend. Take plenty of interest in his work and if possible give him positive advice that may help him.

1. Be careful to compliment him abundantly for any good turn he has done to you or any kindness he has shown to you.
   1. Encourage your husband not to miss the congregational prayers. If your husband develops the habit of praying in the Masjeed five times a day then tomorrow your kids will, inshaAllāh, follow suit.
   2. Keep your husband satisfied in every manner. Keep a healthy environment full of piety at home, give him a pleasant company, cook good food, be friendly, respect your in-laws, share, discuss and find solution to problems jointly, and your husband will thank Allāh Subhānahu wa Ta’ālā for gifting him such a mature and understanding better half.

1. Create an Islāmic atmosphere at home by imparting Ta’ālim (Islāmic learning) and Tarbiyat (Islāmic nurturing) to the children so that they become good Muslims when they grow up.

1. If you are recently married and you discover your husband is not very friendly towards you or your in-laws are a bit too harsh with you, then do not panic and take hasty steps that you might regret later. Also, do not talk to other people about your problems as this can easily lead you to commit the sin of backbiting. Instead, turn to Allāh and beseech His help. Try to be as pleasant as you can to win your husband and your in-laws. With your perseverance inshaAllāh things will work out well for you.

FOR HIM

1. You must be nice to your wife. Make small gestures, but make them often and make them with sincerity. The little things matter.
2. Afresh your intimacy by telling your wife ‘I love you’ at least once a day. The three words ‘I love you’ can mean a lot to her!
3. A happy marriage is based on commitment, deep friendship, knowing each other well, having mutual respect, knowing when it makes sense to try to work out an issue.
4. Shariyat has given a husband the right to pronounce ‘Talāq’ to his wife. Please do not misuse this right. Only after you have exhausted all the avenues that you divorce your wife. Of all the permissible acts the most hated one before Allāh is divorce.
5. Spending time with your family should be high on your priority list. Your friends come later. Your wife and your kids love your company and as such they would really appreciate if you spend as much of your free time as possible with them.
   1. Never go to sleep when you are upset with one another. Try to resolve the matter as much amicably as you can. Never make a back-handed apology like “well I am sorry but partly its your fault too. You should have done this and that…” Be sincere in your apology. Forgive and forget even if you feel it was your partner’s fault.
   2. Do not let her feel inferior in any way. Give her a VIP treatment in every respect.
   3. Be observant enough to notice any new dress she has put or any new dish she has prepared for you and compliment her accordingly with all sincerity. Sometimes a wife dresses up for her man but he hardly notices it. This really puts her off.
   4. Try as much as you can to give her a helping hand in the domestic chores. Also, do not overburden her with work when she is feeling under the weather.
   5. Bring her a gift every now and then. Do not wait for a special occasion. The value does not matter it’s the sincerity that counts. Even a flower a day can keep the boredom at bay!
   6. Try your best not to scold or belittle your wife in front of other people or compare her negatively with other women. Also, never pass sarcastic or satirical remarks against her and neither use harsh language when talking to her even if you have lost your temper for any reason.
   7. Even in the privacy of your bedroom, if you want to point out to her about her shortcomings then do it very discreetly and without hurting her feelings.
   8. At times we tend to taunt and insult our wives for any wrong done by someone from their parents’ side. Such unfair behavior can easily bring rifts between the couples.
   9. You are often very kind and sweet to your friends and colleagues and reserve your screams and yells for your wife and children. This attitude destroys the tranquility at home and it can also create rifts not only between the couples but also between you and your kids. Your behavior with your family members should be such that they should be looking forward to your coming home and not dreading it.
   10. Pay extra attention to the language you use at home. Foul language, insults and swearing can create a very disturbing atmosphere at home and it can also have a poor impact on your children.
   11. Your parents have lots of rights that need to be fulfilled by you. Be extra careful to see that these rights are not violated by you over-pampering your wife.
   12. Bring Sunnāh alive in your home. Reviving one Sunnāt of Nabi Muhammad (Sallallāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam) in these days of Fitnāh could earn you the reward of a martyr.

…and Allāh Ta’ālā Knows Best

By Haqqseeker

Compiled, edited and adated by Khalid Latif, www.thekhalids.org